Children's Ministry: Giving Up "Giving Up" for Lent
When you ask a group of young people what they think about a Lenten spiritual discipline, their first answers are likely to involve what they plan to give up, their efforts to “prove” to God what they are willing to sacrifice for their faith. We adults often approach Lenten practices the same way, naming something that we will do without for the 40 day stretch as a way of claiming some plateau of faith.
Sometimes our plans are a bit self-serving. Over the years I’ve heard of a decision to give up chocolate - because of a preference for Sour Patch Kids. One young person gave up video games because he had completed all the current levels of his favorite game and the next edition wasn’t due out for months. In both cases, the discipline was perceived to be a significant challenge and the disciple was trying to ease the sting. I’ve also heard adults say they would give up Starbucks or some other pricey treat - in order to save money. Or stop eating dessert - in hopes of losing a few pounds. Once again, there is acknowledgement that discipline is difficult, but that it can be achieved by focusing on the anticipated reward at the end. How this serves God isn't really clear.
I don’t blame teens (or adults!) for trying to take the edge of a difficult practice. Sacrifice adds stress to our hectic lives; denial can breed frustration and even resentment. Which makes me wonder, is that what God really asks of us? To make our lives more complicated in His name? To somehow prove our devotion?
Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe there can be tremendous spiritual growth during an intentional period of sacrifice and denial. Sometimes I wonder, however, if this is an effective approach for teens as they are building the foundations for lifelong faith.
Rather than ask teens what they are going to give up for Lent, I prefer to ask them about their reasoning in choosing a spiritual practice. Many haven’t really considered why they would give something up. They’ve just always done so. Because Lent means “giving something up.”
I also ask teens who are considering giving something up, how they anticipate feeling if they should fail? What happens when they eat that entire bag of Hershey kisses? What happens if they resume playing Candy Crush two weeks before Easter? Often young people are very hard on themselves and feel their failings acutely. For anyone to experience a sense of having “failed” God over something as innocuous as 15 minutes on a video game breaks my heart. As young people are growing into themselves and growing into their faith, I always want to err on the side of emphasizing the love God has for them. Regardless of whether or not they ate the contraband Hershey Kisses, I want them to know God loves them unquestioningly.
To know this boundless love, I suggest to teens that they choose a discipline that allows them to grow closer to God, to form a more profound relationship with Him. I suggest that instead of focusing exclusively on self-denial, a good Lenten approach might involve any intentional, regular action which helps them draw closer to God. This can take the form of “giving up” something or it can involve adding something. So long as it is regular and intentional, and it helps them to move closer to God, it makes sense. This might be a commitment to more frequent prayer or Scripture reading; an intentional practice of daily generosity or kindness; or a decision to increase church attendance or participation in a faith community. It can indeed involve “giving something up” - one young person decided to attempt a vegan diet because she decided that her reverence for all of God’s creation made her uncomfortable eating meat. She decided to use Lent as a time to change her dietary habits, accompanied with prayer, in consideration of making a permanent change. Others have “given up” something, or better yet, transferred or transformed a practice. Rather than spending $4 on coffee, they saved the money and donated it to the food bank.
Asceticism has its place; and certainly it can help to enhance an already mature faith. For many young people, Lent isn’t a time to give up or to fear God will give up on them if they fail, it’s a time to better connect and know they are loved.
Lisa Brown
Tags: Messenger January 2016 / Children / Children and Youth / Families / Sunday School / Youth / Youth Forum